you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
