is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
