as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
