So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
