everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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