I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
