heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
