I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
