I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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