can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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