Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
