I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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