My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
