Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
