First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
