They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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