do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ladies don't puke and tell
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
