I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
