He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
