This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
