let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
