Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize