I bet he comes in French.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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