wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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