So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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