you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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