Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
