Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize