end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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