I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
