I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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