It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
