Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
