I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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