It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
