i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
