I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
