After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
