She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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