I will die if light touches me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
