the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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