Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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