david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
