woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
