my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
