There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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