Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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