I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have aggressive nipples.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
