this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
