I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
