I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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