I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
