We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
