i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i think my cat just said my name.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
