he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hippo gnu deer
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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