I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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