The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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