Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
