Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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