I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
