I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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