Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
