i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
