I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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