My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
