im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
