so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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