This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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