some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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