Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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